Breakthrough?

Last night I thought I was going to have an awful run. I really had to talk myself into going at all, plus my shins were still incredibly tight. I started running really, really slowly and figured I would just push through and get the run done and move on.

About a half mile in I realized that if I ran faster my shins actually felt better, as though the tension was being worked out of them, so I kept up the pace. I was by no means flying, but I was running faster than usual. I began to lock into that pace after my designated minute walking sections and my muscles could "feel" that pace again. It was great. Instead of my pace increasing and slowing over the course of a run it stayed pretty consistent, and it was more challenging for me. I read today about the concept of tempo runs and I think I accidentally stumbled into something similar last night.

I'm far, far from my goal pace, but last night I was definitely faster and I'm encouraged by that. I felt fantastic when I got home and I'm excited for tomorrow's run. Tonight I hit the bike at the gym.

A New Focus?

My cryptically-referred-to swim never materialized yesterday. I got caught up in housework fever, plus my legs were feeling very sore from my last two runs and I didn't want to overdo it. These are all lovely excuses for the real reason: I am avoiding getting back in that pool.

I last swam on Labor Day at the start of my first foray into triathlon training. I was a fish growing up, always in my parents' pool and was a great swimmer. That was...many years ago. I'm also largely a self-taught swimmer because I was medically excused from gym class beginning in 7th grade (knee injury), so my technique gets me from Point A to Point B but not very efficiently.

First of all, I get a bit overwhelmed by new things. Locating the pool, establishing space in the locker room and figuring out where to check in/how many yards the pool was/what the rules were really made me nervous. Quite honestly, this is likely the real reason why I've been avoiding going back in the pool. I like routine, and new-ish things are not routine. I need to get over this. Once in the pool and swimming I quickly realized that the other swimmers were swimming much differently than I was. I was never really properly taught how to freestyle, so I don't put my head in the water and my kick is sort of a breast stroke/wild flailing hybrid. It is slow but, more importantly, it completely exhausts me because it's so much work. I've been watching freestyle technique videos online and need to basically re-train myself how to do it. This also feels like a daunting task.

Why am I focused on getting back in the pool? Because I think I might want (translation: I want but don't want to commit because I'm terrified I can't do it) to compete in a sprint triathlon in mid-April. Logically I know that I CAN do it. The swim portion is only 300 yards, which I should be able to manage quite nimbly with three months to go. The bike part is only 10 miles, which I can easily do. I've already run a 5K and am training for 8K. This should be a piece of cake.

Except I'm terrified. At the beginning of this journey, back in August, I declared to my friend that if I ever completed a triathlon I would feel like the biggest badass in the world. Her response: "Then do it. What's stopping you?" Simple but true. I've been psyching myself out of it for months now, convinced that my physical and mental abilities are somehow too inferior to contemplate actually completing a tri. Putting a hard date on it (April 18, gulp....) is scaring the bejesus out of me. I'm avoiding registering until the last minute "just in case." Just in case what?! I break my leg? I move away? That I'm somehow "not ready" even though I'm already prepared for two out of three portions, with the third being do-able within a few weeks of training? I'm a loon.

...Oh but I hope to soon also be a triathlete!

Tough, But Enjoyable

I just got back from my Week 2, Day 1 run in GW28K. Overall it wasn't a great run, but I enjoyed myself and it feels good to persevere through a tough workout.

My calves were real tight the whole run, so I ran slightly below turtle in pacing. My husband and I took the puppy back out to the soccer field, where I'd had a great run last time. This time I felt a bit winded and suffered with my calves, but I got my run in and that's what matters.

The skies were gray but the temperature was in the high 50s, so it was a great time to run. While I was running I noticed a college employee come up to my husband and start talking, so I jogged over to investigate. Turns out we're not supposed to have the dog out on the soccer field...whoops. As the employee left, my husband grumbles under his breath, "Dogs aren't allowed, but evidently jugglers are just fine," with a pointed glare at some students on the other side of the field.

The cross country trails were recommended to us, so perhaps we'll check those out next weekend. I've been meaning to find and run on those for some time, so this will be a good excuse.

I'm beginning to ramble a bit and lose focus...which is my cue to sign off for the moment. Tomorrow is a big day: My first swim since September. Why swimming, you ask? Stay tuned for the next post...

A Return to Form

Last night I eagerly hurried home to run outside before the 6pm sunset. It was lovely outside, in the low-to-mid 50s, and my attire of Adidas pants and long-sleeved cotton shirt were perfect.

I felt strong in my run, even though I continuously stressed about my speed (or lack thereof). It's frustrating to run 2.5 miles outdoors in the same amount of time it takes me to run 3.5 miles on the treadmill. And I'm not even running that fast on the treadmill! Grr.

The pond was almost entirely frozen, which was beautiful. The trail was icy in patches so I had to be careful. This is why I don't enjoy the treadmill as much as my pond:

I had to stop and take a picture of this scene last night. The sunset was so beautiful, and the reflection off the half-frozen water was gorgeous. I thoroughly enjoyed my run.

I do feel that my strength and endurance are improving. I'd love some pointers on how to improve my speed, as well.

Next scheduled run: Saturday, if it doesn't rain. Gateway to 8K Week Two: Here I come!

Back on Track

After a somewhat disappointing start to my 8K program, I was anxious for my second workout to erase the unpleasant memories of the first. I unfortunately came down with a cold, likely brought on by pre-semester stress at work, and didn't feel like myself for days. In fact, I still feel very worn down, but by and large my cold has passed. Tuesday marked my first day running since I started feeling under the weather.

The run was better. I had my own, fully functional headphones, which made a huge difference. The glitches still existed in the GW28K iPhone app, but I expected them this time and planned around then. I was able to sustain my pace more consistently, and I ran a little faster. I really struggled in sections. It's frustrating because when I'm outside I can run 25+ minutes and want to go further, but on the treadmill I'm running like a lead balloon and dying from boredom by minute 4. I need to learn to make peace with the treadmill.

A benefit of the treadmill, as I mentioned before, is that I can monitor my pace and distance. As stated before, I'm a slow runner. Turtles could pass me. My first run I started at 6.2mph for a song or two (Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" does that to me), but then camped out around 5.2mph for the duration of the run. This time I consistently held at 5.6mph and did my warmup, walking sections, and cool down all at 3.5mph. That allowed me to run further than I had last time, 3.5 miles as opposed to 3.3. I'd like to keep up this pattern and edge up my speed each week, and perhaps reset back down once a new week and distance start if I find I can't keep that pace for longer. We'll see.

Overall the run was fine. I will learn to love the treadmill one of these days.

In brighter news, North Carolina has finally started thawing out. And by thawing out I mean "out of the 30s," which is cold for down here. Today it's supposed to hit 55, so I'm fully intending to speed home after work, throw on my workout clothes and go running around the pond. Perhaps a good old-fashioned run outdoors will reinvigorate me.

Gateway to 8K

Yesterday marked my first workout on the Gateway to 8K plan, an extension of my beloved Couch to 5K. It went....so-so.

I knew it would be a treadmill workout, because I'd be getting home after dark and North Carolina is going through a cold spell this week, so I admit I wasn't looking forward too much to my run. I diligently packed my gym bag in the morning and tried to pump myself up for the run all day. A million things conspired to convince me out of the workout, but I persevered.

First, I drove past the gym on my way home. I then had to make a left onto a busy road to get back, but I did it. I then discovered that I'd forgotten to pack headphones for my iPhone, and I absolutely abhor running, especially on the treadmill, without music. I managed to scrounge a pair up from the student help desk that only played music into one ear, but it worked. It took a fair amount of diddling around with the headphone jack to get it to properly play in my phone, but no matter. I thus began my run.

The GW28K app was disappointingly buggy. There was a definite glitch in the run times, as it listed 3 running sections and 3 walking sections, but then tacked on standalone run and walk sections at the end, confusingly. I kept adjusting the time on my treadmill and basically just couldn't relax and enjoy my run. The app also wouldn't allow me to shuffle my music, so I had to grit my teeth through an alphabetical run-through of my songs. I'm anxiously awaiting a software update.

I found the run challenging, as I tend to find treadmill runs. I did run faster than usual because I was on a treadmill, so I suppose it's good for me to practice that pace. I get too distracted by the treadmill, however. I'm constantly checking my time, speed, etc. One thing I did not check, however, was calories burned. Generally when I'm on a piece of gym equipment I watch my calories like a hawk circling over prey. This time I didn't think about it until this morning, when I realized I hadn't looked at my calorie count. It feels good to workout for aerobic benefit and pure enjoyment instead of weight loss.

Speaking of weight loss, I've been quietly and steadily shedding some pounds since early December. Usually when I try to lose weight I utilize various combinations of strict calorie watching and constant exercise. This time I've simply been eating moderate portions of whatever I want, and making healthy choices when at the grocery store or at restaurants. I even managed to lose a little weight over Christmas.  As of this morning I'm down 7lbs and I'm thrilled. Running has definitely contributed, and I'm excited to see how much further I can go.

Doubt

I've tried my hardest to be very honest with this blog. In the past I'd want to hide my flaws and failures. In the past I wouldn't have drawn attention to my four week running lapse, because I would have felt ashamed. Heck, I probably would've stopped blogging entirely because I wouldn't have wanted to admit to my perceived mistakes. My fear of failure and public ridicule is earth shatteringly strong and I'm the first to recognize that.

Self doubt and failure are issues I struggle with every day, even beyond running, and they're issues I felt were important to write about for my own well being and that of anyone reading my humble blog. I had intended to write a post about this in the upcoming weeks, when I read a well-timed entry on another running blog that I found very touching:

"i still doubt before every run. i wanted this year's goal to be enjoy. but i need to believe first. i can't enjoy the thrill of a run because i still feel like i need to prove to myself that i'm good enough. the more i run the closer i get to believing. it will happen."

I identify so much with this, and I'm sure others do as well. I believe that part of the reason why it was easy for me to slip into a long running lapse is because, frankly, convincing myself to run is exhausting. It goes something like this:

"I should run. But it'll be such a pain to get changed and go outside in this dark/cold/whatever weather. And then I have to RUN, and I can't run. I'm so slow compared to other runners. I'm going to get laughed out of any races I run because I'm so darn slow. I'm not even good at this anyway. Look, my legs are hurting, my lungs are heaving...this must all mean I'm not a real runner. I'm not good enough to be considered a real runner. I should just stop now before other runners see me and realize I'm just a pretender."

It is mental draining for me to run. It is a tightly woven dance between adrenaline-induced exhilaration and knock-down-drag-out wrestling matches between my mind and my body. I identify so much with what Runnrgrrl writes, and it inspires me to keep pushing back against my inner demons because others are challenged by this as well. Running is a physical and emotional journey for me, and with each run I become stronger and more resilient against myself.

I quietly made what I consider a very ambitious New Year's resolution for 2010, and this is the first time I'm really saying it out loud: This year I want to either compete in a sprint triathlon or run a half marathon. Very do-able goals for one year, but goals that terrify me because I do not believe I'm capable of completing them. I most surely am, but convincing myself of that is difficult.

Instead of lingering at my 30 minute runs as previously stated, I've decided to launch right into an 8K program. Looking over the first few weeks, it is roughly equivalent to what I'm already doing, so it's a nice fit to slide right into. I almost wonder if I'm coddling myself too much, and if I should start training for a longer distance. I'm going to see how the first couple of weeks go and then weigh my options. I love a goal and a challenge, so here I go!

Blackbird singing in the dead of the night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise.