I'm baaack

So after four (or more, I've lost count) weeks of not running, I'm finally back on the horse. And it feels fantastic.

There were a myriad of reasons why I didn't run during those four weeks. Most of them have to do with laziness. Only a few are halfway legitimate. During that time I would occasionally get down on myself and beat myself up for not running after spending months getting my endurance up. I told myself that I had failed, once again, and given up on something I'd sworn to finish. I called myself a wuss, lazy, fat, and no good at anything. My inner demons had a field day.  But then I remembered the tagline for this blog: My journey to becoming a runner. There is no "finish" to running. With each run I progress further on my journey, but there is no true end. I often struggle in life because I feel an innate need to finish things fully, and to succeed highly. Running has challenged me so thoroughly because it goes against all of my set beliefs in success. So on Friday I embraced my perceived "failures" and got back on the road.

I'd been missing running for a while, and had been dreaming up when I could start my routine again. My husband and I hosted out of town guests from Wednesday until Sunday, and I doubted I could run while they were here. I went to church on Friday morning and came home around 11:35am, prepared to go right back out the door with our guests to watch my husband's alma mater play football. As I walked through the door my husband informed me there'd been a change in plans, and we were instead leaving at "no later than 12:15pm."

I thought of my car, which desperately needed to be cleaned out so we could drive out for the day. I saw my husband washing dishes after our New Year's Eve party and could've helped him. I saw our guests hanging out in the living room, watching TV. There were a million things I should've and could've done with those unexpected 35 minutes.

But all I could see was 35 unexpected minutes. So I went running.

I couldn't do my full 40 minutes, but I squeezed in what I could. Walking towards my trail was the longest 5 minutes of my life. My legs wanted to GO. As soon as I hit the trail running I nearly wept from the smell of the woods, the slightly damp ground, the crunch of gravel beneath my sneakers. I sprinted at first from the sheer exhilaration of being reunited with my old friend. The adrenaline rush was unreal and I couldn't get enough of it.

I struggled physically with the run after my long time off. My legs felt like rock stars, but my lungs were not in the ideal mood. I had some breathing trouble periodically and walked for a minute here and there. It was also much colder outside (low 30s) than it had been when I ran previously, so physically things were just not used to what I was throwing at them. I ran for about 20 minutes before throwing myself back in the house to change and get out the door. My legs were a little shaky but it was worth it.

I immediately noticed changes in my demeanor. Instead of putting on the slightly frumpy jeans and sweater I'd had on that morning, I wore a short skirt with opaque tights and knee high boots. I feel so much better about my body when I run, and not just because I burned off some calories. When I run I think less about the scale, and more about the fact that my body is amazing and can carry me several miles at a time. I'm doing something I never thought I'd do, and everything in my life benefits from it.

This was my second-to-last workout in the Couch to 5K program. It may have taken me nearly a year to complete the entire "official" program, but I've grown so much and I cannot wait to truly graduate from the program.